hot sauce

15 Oct

paleo hot sauceHey. Hi. Let’s kiss and make up, okay? Great. I just got back from visiting Denver and let me tell you if I was feeling depressed before, I most certainly still do. Woe is me, I know. I don’t want to complain, but goddammit it’s true. Let me wallow and let me think only of the cons and let me dwell on the negatives and allow me to think only of short term goals. I’m real good at that stuff sometimes. Like listening to Disintegration on repeat until any semblance of a positive life force has completely oozed out of my body, leaving me the saddest sack imaginable. That’s my jam, baby.
chiles de árbolchopped red bell pepperMaybe this hot sauce can perk me up. Liven up my blood a little. Make some baby steps and turn off Plainsong in favor of The Exploding Boy. Something like that. Maybe I’ll even turn The Cure off entirely. Whoa there, let’s not get crazy. This is just hot sauce. But it is pretty damn good and I want to eat it with a spoon and start putting it on everything I make. It’s going to get real interesting on here (I mean, it’s been super interesting on here for the past couple months…) with posts like “roast chicken with hot sauce” and “hot sauce topped scrambled eggs” and “hot sauce smoothie”. Ha, right, like I’d ever post about a fucking smoothie. Pff.
mexican purple garlicchopped fresh gingerI’m gonna complain about something else. So, the weather’s been getting real nice down here and I’ve been putting screens in the windows and finally getting some fresh air! Wonderful, right?! Except, the thing is that since they’re just insert screens because they’re olde tymey windows that don’t have screens on a track, that there are I guess enough cracks that flies start to swarm into the fucking house. I don’t know why they want to come in or what they smell or what the deal is but IT’S RUINING MY LIFE. Like really, truly ruining it. No joke. There are so many and no matter how many I swat or vacuum up, there are always more. I HATE THEMMMMM. I guess the inevitable outcome is that I’ll have fly paper hanging up around the house by all the windows. It’s going to be ultra classy. Like me.
paleo hot sauce piri piriAnyway, whatever. Make this stupid hot sauce, please. And I might actually not be joking about making roast chicken with it. I’m not. I did it and it was incredible. Blend some of this sauce with some onion, herbs, more oil and vinegar, etc. and marinate. Perfect. I mention that cilantro is optional. I made it both ways and I dunno, it’s just different. It looks lovelier without it – all nice and orangey – but I do love cilantro. As for the chiles, and I suppose the most important part, you can substitute a different dried chile if you like. Something spicier or not as spicy, whatever. I guess maybe I don’t think it’s that important. It’ll be good no matter what, just with different tastes. You could use all fresh peppers – habanero or serrano. Or a mix. I like dried chiles so much, so there’s my chile de árbol rationale.

hot sauce

4 – 8 chiles de árbol, depending on your tolerance, stemmed
1 red bell pepper, stemmed and seeded
5 garlic cloves, peeled
1 inch piece of ginger, roughly chopped
juice of 1 lemon
1/4 cup vinegar
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 cup cilantro (optional)

Blend all that shit together. Done.


11 Responses to “hot sauce”

  1. Judith October 15, 2013 at 14:51 #

    I’m sorry you feel so bad and I hope the “hot sauce” is NOT responsible or going to be blamed for your terrible judgement in F Bombing your post. Color ME unsubscribed.

    • Crocker October 15, 2013 at 16:06 #

      You are one obscene mother-fucker. I cuss like a sailor and YOU offended me. I don’t even know you. Don’t care to. I don’t care to read any more of your crap. I am outta here.

      • John March 31, 2014 at 23:24 #

        Are you trying to say that, “Bullshit” offended you?
        You’re nuts.

      • Trista July 7, 2014 at 14:12 #

        You must be Mormon.

  2. Crocker October 15, 2013 at 16:06 #


  3. Alli October 15, 2013 at 22:03 #

    You are great.

  4. Danielle October 16, 2013 at 14:20 #

    Fuck yes, I am going to make this hot sauce…while swatting flies in my own damn kitchen. Keep crankin’ it out, Kitchen. Chin up.

    • Julie October 17, 2013 at 11:08 #

      Goddamn, at least someone liked my post.

  5. Trista July 7, 2014 at 14:11 #

    Are those first two comments serious? Two words: FUCK THEM! Great post and I am about to make me some motha fuckin hot sauce.


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